Is this Love?


Why does my
Heart ache
For some
Twin Flame
Some made up fantasy
That came up into my reality
You know
I always wondered what it would feel like
To fall madly
And uncontrollably
In love
With a being
I never truly believed it was possible
I'm not sure I still do
I mean I met someone
2 years ago
Right when things
Started to make sense
They became harder to understand
They became quiet
Almost silent
Almost like
Like a dream
A reality that
I don't think actually ever happened
I decided to
Do exactly what any normal person would do
Because if it
Wasn't real
It wouldn't hurt
If I slept with anyone else while he was avoiding me
I mean
I never told him
But it was always known
Like I'm young
And dumb
And born during the summer 
So I guess that makes me a dumb bitch
But as much as I feel dumb
I feel numb
I feel hurt
Like because I sleep with so many others
You think it's okay to play with my feelings
By beckoning me over
Of course I answered the call
Assuming you were no longer with her
The woman you met
After you let me leave
But look
Now I'm back
After about 7 months of being away
Living out East
And thinking of you each morning and each night of every day
I mean
We continued to talk once in awhile
And after she popped up in the conversation
I thought
He's being loved
Thank you creator
All I want to do is love him
But I could only imagine
And now he has someone
Fast forward to the call
And than finally
Yet once I asked about her
You admit
So casually
That you're in an open relationship
That it was HER idea
I mean
Yes play another game
Blame her
I don't care for it
I know the truth
I know I should have been more mad
But I was still happy
I had imagined what it would be like
What it would feel like
To be in your presence again
And it was exactly how I thought it would be
The feeling was still there
But how could I be so happy for someone who wasn't with me?
Idk wth
I still chose to be happy for you
And happy that there was an opening
I wasn't going to miss my chance to make you miss me
But you still did not choose
To leave her
So I stopped 2 months later or so
Stopped whatever was beginning
To manifest
I think she felt it too
This energy between us
Whatever the fuck this is
It's there
And it's suffocating me
And it's upsetting the both of us
Her and I
I mean
She must have thought it through after realizing there was an actual threat
So I did what I thought was best
I stopped chasing you
And now
I get triggered 
Every time
I watch a romance
Even a fucking rom com
I fucking cry
I ball
I fucking ball
Because I know
I know the feeling
The feeling of being in total bliss
When you think you have found
A blessing
In complete darkness
Where you are the light
And you stumble upon
Another along your path
With the exact same light
And you think
Than your light begins to burn
Brighter and brighter
Without your control
Like someone turned up the heat
Without your permission
Like what the hell
Why am I suddenly sweating so much?
Did someone turn up the heat?
But you say you're fine
I mean
I'm only looking deeply into your dark brown eyes
But only because
I feel like I recognize you 
In some way
I feel like I know you
Fuck I sound crazy
I guess now I understand why some
Can become
So obsessed
With wanting to be in someone's presence
What the fuck
Is this love?
I don't want this to be
This fucking hurts




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