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Happy Father's Day

18.06.2018

Some days, I wish I had the perfect dad, you know, the one that I could borrow money off of and not feel guilty for it, or the one that has a vehicle and can pick me up if I'm stranded.

The one that always had the same cell phone number and would answer his phone whenever I call.

The one that I could depend on to attend any important shows that I perform at.

Throughout my life, I wish my dad was a better dad.

I wish he could support me and my siblings the way that most father's could.

But he's not perfect.

He's surviving.

Intergenerational trauma is a real thing.

I didn't want to post anything for Father's Day because at first, I didn't want anyone to know the truth.. but I realize now that we are all healing from the effects of colonialism.

My Dad is an alcoholic.

Recently, about 6 months ago, he chose to give that part of his life up.

And despite our family's "tough love" journey with my dad, he has taught me so much about life, especially what to do and what not to do.

But before he went off and took a little detour on his war path, my dad was everything I wanted to be.

I always wanted to make him proud.

He could spit fire, sing, was a youth mentor, a Métis dance champion, instructor and facilitator, a model, an actor, he even went to Mexico to lead youth in volunteer work, like man - he has always had a promising future.

I always wanted to make him proud.

But now, now I understand, the life of a warrior is a very hard level to pass, because it only gets harder with each step we choose to take.

The mental, emotional, physical and spiritual anguish that we carry with us only gets heavier and heavier with each stride, especially without the proper support.

My dad, being as stubborn as he is, took this weight and carried it for so long.

I know now, that finding support doesn't mean that I am weak, it means I am still only human and that I need help too.

Life is so humbling in this way.

Yet it was hard watching him roller coaster his way in and out of my life.

But a warrior must do what a warrior must do to help the people, to help understand what exactly it is our people struggle with in this darkness, what our families have to endure, what we have to face as contemporary indigenous people.

I always wanted to make him proud.

And now I understand.

I understand that I have always subconsciously known my purpose, as I have always looked up to him and wanted to make him proud because I could also do what he can, I have this gift too.

So I have chosen to take up his post - where he left off as a youth leader, is where I will continue.

Though as much as I should be "afraid", I know better.

The unknown is not meant to be feared, it's meant to be embraced.

He has shown me how far a warrior is willing to go through the darkness, and this has prepared me for what could potentially happen if I were to explore my darkness with and without wielding my light to balance the energy.

Dad, I understand now.

We are warriors.

And as warriors, we must constantly remind ourselves that we are worthy of good things, good relationships, a good cry or even a good laugh.

That part is hard.

Ego can be the biggest asshole.

But my higher self, my inner warrior, she knows my worth.

And she sees you Daddy, how much you've had to battle and how much you deserve the good things in life.

Brent Potskin, I'm proud of you and very happy that you are making progress in your life choices.

The only way we can beat intergenerational trauma is by looking deep within and working on ourselves.

I love you Daddy and I will always love you, Happy Father's Day. 

 

 

 

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