My Body is My Tool


Oh my god, yesterday was a beautiful day. Once I woke up, I felt a sudden urge to go for a walk, it took time to get my butt outside but when I did, I felt all this wonder as if I were a child again. My sight, my perspective, my entire understanding of the world blossomed as I walked through the city of Hamilton Ontario; I am change, and change is a foot.

I cried, I cried to the beat of my footsteps, feeling the sensual warmth of not only the beautiful sun, but the energy that it provided my being. It came and submerged through me; a wave of divine love. I felt love for all that passed by, I felt the need to help everyone that I came in to contact with and fell in love with anyone who made eye contact with me. I never knew that was ever possible but it is.

I went to Time Hortons for a bite to eat on Barton and Ferguson, it was lunch time so it was busy as usual. I got in line, listening to my music, bopping my head to the beat and tapping my right foot to the melody. As soon as I got to the till, I ordered my food and waited on the side for where my food would be when it was ready. As I stood there, I noticed a beautiful young woman starting to cut the croissant I ordered. I watched her endearingly. She handled the entire process with so much love and care, I couldn't help but appreciate her for it. She put so much effort, and so much Nutella, I felt so happy that this treat was going to be mine. I'm not sure if she knew I was staring, I think she did, as she just gave me the croissant without putting it into a bag or on a plate. I just looked her in the eyes as soon as she turned to see, and I smiled and said that must be for me. She blushed, I never knew I could make a girl blush since I myself am a woman. And man, I fell in love with this girl, my eyes and my soul connected with her instantaneously.

I went to take my seat and sat next to a little girl and a man, who seemed to be enjoying each others company. I sat there lovingly, looking up at the ceiling and sighing out loud to show my gratitude for this fine day.

The little girl turned around to greet me, she said, "Hi :)," and I said it delightfully back, "Hi :)."

I think she knew what I was going through, as she couldn't stop turning around to observe my essence. Right beside her was a banner that had attached to it an Easter Egg decoration, as I stared off into space, the decoration fell off the banner suddenly and startled the three of us.

I began to giggle since I knew it was a sign, and the little girl turned around and said, "Hi :)," to me again, and I replied the same once more.

I wish I could have conversed with her, but I felt it would not be appropriate as society feels our children should not speak to strangers, so I kept my appreciation for her love to myself. Then the woman at the till came to their table and apologised sweetly to the man and the girl, taping the decoration back to the banner and then making her way to a plain wall that needed decorations for this year's Easter Celebration. I began to watch her as I enjoyed my meal, and she was struggling a bit. I felt this urge to help her and then as she looked to see the sudden long line, she returned back to her till to help more people.

Without thinking of the immediate consequences, I got up, went to where she put the tape, took it and got on top of the garbage compartment to finish the deed. I honestly did not think this was going to be a big deal, I chose to ignore those costumers that watched and continued to tape the banner.

The woman at the till came and said to me, "you can't be up there, you could get hurt."

I told her, "I won't," then she replies, "I could get in trouble," I smile and say back, "I'm the one doing it, why would you get in trouble?"

She then leaves to get her Manager, as she does this, I continue to help her with my hands shaking and my heart racing, why was I shaking?

Her manager appears and she says to me, "if you fall, we could get sued, it will be our fault, you need to get down."

I replied plainly and lovingly back, making eye contact and smiling, "I won't fall."

She shrugs her shoulders, breathes heavy, and retreats. Sadly, I couldn't finish the deed as I would have needed a ladder for the rest of the Easter banner, so I also retreat, get down, wait for the woman at the till and pass her the tape.

She says to me, "I'm sorry about that, but I appreciate the help."

I tell her, "I did what I could, I would need a ladder for the rest."

And I went to grab my coffee and left. I felt so much adrenaline, just from the reaction of helping someone that clearly needed help. All these people in the building, eating and living, but not realising a woman is struggling to get a banner up for their mere enjoyment. And because I understood this, I felt in my heart that I would show my appreciation for her thoughtfulness.

I began to feel so much emotion and cried once more, trying to understand what just happened as I walked anywhere and everywhere. I contemplated the entire situation. I did what I felt was the right thing, so I told myself, "don't feel ashamed." I did what I felt and didn't think twice, "you're gaining strength." But why the fuss? My life does matter, but what I do with my life is what truly matters to me. I'm a vessel, my body is my tool, I feel the need to be a helper so I honour my soul. "I don't regret this, but I would have if I didn't choose to act on my intentions," I say to myself as I embrace the lesson and move forward, with pain in my heart and love in my soul.

As a gift, I accepted this small token I found that day, a snail shell. This meant the world to me. I knew the spiral was an important meaning right away, representing the infinite possibilities of life within as without. I wanted to know more, so I began to research the snail meaning in more depth.

"The spiral shape of the snail’s shell is a result of how the shell grows on the snail.

Unlike hermit crabs and other animals of the like, the snail animal totem grows its own shell instead of moving in and out of different shells as they grow. This on its own is a great symbol of adaptability, and of course, growth. The spiral on the shell has its own special significance though. The meaning of the spiral changes across cultures and time, but the snail’s spiral’s symbolic meaning is often similar to that of another’s culture...

The ancient Egyptians thought that the spiral was great at symbolizing several things, including expansion, thought, and evolution. On the other side of the planet, the ancient Aztec Indians also had important meanings for the snail and its spiral. The spiral itself represented the moon and moon phases. The snail spirit totem had meaning of its own, symbolizing fertility, time, and change."

Kinanaskumetin Creator, Mother Earth, Angels and the Spirits; all my relations. Thank you. Denixhe <3